We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
