I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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