Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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