Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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