C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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