Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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