just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
