I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When are your genitals available?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
