I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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