you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize