I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
did i just pee glitter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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