Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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