We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
