Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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