mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
