please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
