shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
