dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
