how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
