Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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