The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
