So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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