lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
