i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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