i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
