i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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