She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
