i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
