Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And then he peed in my hair
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