do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
