respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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