youre lurking in front of me
barbara walters just said penis...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
