he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
