Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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