She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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