I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
