youre lurking in front of me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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