I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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