Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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