..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
