You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
