You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
don't judge my taste in strippers
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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