I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
