Im at strip club and am horny
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
