OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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