I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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