I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Terrible idea I love it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
