So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
