after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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