I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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