There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
