she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
