He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
