She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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