I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
