just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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