Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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