WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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