i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
