we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize