I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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