I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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