He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
