i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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