remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Pooping to opera.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
